Monday, June 12, 2006

Checking In

It has been a while. Sometimes, writing has to take a backseat to living and figuring a few things out. I, myself, have figured out, through some help, that my own pain and confusion will diminish slowly. I know however, that I will never be able to change what happened to me and that I will have to honor that by holding my head up without shame. I am not responsible and I will never know why it occured.

I have quit my job so I am looking for another job. I am trying to find something where I actually go to work every day for someone who works in the legitimate world where the industry has nothing to do with sex, drugs or illegality of any kind. Funny, I think other people don't even have to consider that when looking for a job.

Forward instead of back. Every activity that seems to help has me looking forward. Shooting pool, pictures, guns whatever - all forward. When I am looking back I cannot protect myself, my counselor warns. Looking behind me is a skill that does not work for me and one that I have worn for too long. Time to let it go with a lot of other well-worn habits that are only harming me. I've been hurt enough. I certainly don't need to hurt myself anymore.


Blogger AlanDP said...

Good to see you post again.

"Forward, not back" is pretty good advice for everyone.

12/6/06 3:17 PM  
Anonymous Steam Dragon said...

Red, You are a good person.
Please keep sharing your journey.
It WILL help others.

Oh, ditto what Allen said!

12/6/06 4:44 PM  

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