Thursday, January 26, 2006

Friendship Abused

James Frey has been kicked to the curb by Oprah. I wonder if he's going to stay sober. As for my own sobriety, I am wondering if I have lost a friend. Yesterday, while working hard to continue my binge, I returned a phone call when maybe I should not have. It is a friend who knows how I have been working toward sobriety. When he and I tried to have a conversation, I found it nearly impossible to follow his train of thought. The words just flew past me as I tried to grab them fruitlessly. The conversation ended with his knowledge of my activities and I could hear the anger in his voice.

It is a day later and I am sober. I have gone to the gym and fed myself. I am contrite. The question is, does it really matter? If he never knows who he is going to get when he calls, why would he call at all? Why waste time on me? If I can't answer these questions, how can he? I have not yet spoken with him. I want the opportunity but I'm not sure I deserve that chance. Consequences are very real sometimes.


Blogger Firehand said...

Was he mad because you fell off for a bit, or pissed at you for not going down the toilet with him? If the former, pick yourself up and get back on. If the latter, screw him. Metaphorically, of course.

About the only real philosophy I've picked up over the years is that you have two choices: keep on going, and do the best you can, or give up. And if you give up, you'll likely die. If you keep on going, you've got a chance.

26/1/06 9:17 PM  

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