Thursday, November 10, 2005

Awake

I don't sleep very much. The reason, all explained in the last post "nightmares", keeps me from totally committing to falling asleep. So I spend a lot of time alone, in the dark and in my head. Unfortunately, no matter how much I try, my head continues to behave like an adversary.

It is strange how my mind will attack me on so many levels. Can't sleep? It will make me not only think about my own life, but the horrible lives of those who I don't know. My mind will dig up thoughts of people who starve, who live the lives that mom warned about when I wouldn't finish my dinner. Then there are the fly-covered children whose images float through as I refuse to give a dollar a day to improve their lives immensely. Why do most of us believe that ad is crap? I don't have an answer other than manipulative advertising negates the suffering, therefore I disassociate. These are the things that float through the brain late at night. These and the socio-economic implications of shopping at wal-mart. That alone should be enough to keep most people up at night.

It is 11:00 and I am thinking about sleep because the day is winding down for most. I know that I will lie down with hope. I know I will let that hope believe that anything is possible and I know that I will eventually sleep, if only until I wake in fear with a start. I accept this and yet I want it to change. I hope that the truth, that change is the only thing to be counted on, will win out here. And I will sleep. Peacefully.

2 Comments:

Blogger Firehand said...

No, the commercial isn't fake; there's a large amount of misery in the world.

Sounds like you're one of the more empathic people who sometimes cannot shut it out of your mind. Which sucks. It occasionally happens to me, but it's a rarity(for which I'm thankful).

27/11/05 6:15 PM  
Blogger Engineer-Poet said...

The other reason not to give money to those who use fly-covered children as their hook is that you have no assurance that money will, or even can, reduce the amount of suffering there.  We've been giving aid for several generations now.  Is it better?

People have to take charge of their own futures; even if people are sustained by aid, they are not truly free as they are controlled by the aid-givers.  Your refusal to be manipulated by those images might be part and parcel of your own taking charge.

27/11/05 6:43 PM  

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